Protective behaviours

Masking and camouflaging

Many neurodivergent children learn to mask or camouflage their differences to fit in socially.

Masking may involve:

Copying the behaviour of peers
Suppressing natural movements or stimming
Forcing eye contact
Rehearsing conversations
Hiding confusion or distress

While masking can sometimes help children navigate social environments in the short term, it often requires significant mental effort and can lead to exhaustion, anxiety and reduced self-esteem.

Short-term

Can help navigate social environments

Long-term cost

Exhaustion, anxiety, reduced self-esteem

Parents may notice that children who mask appear calm at school but feel overwhelmed or exhausted at home.

Supporting children to communicate authentically, without any pressure to hide their differences, can improve wellbeing and confidence.

Strategies to support children:

At home:

Accept natural behaviours, e.g. stimming, avoiding eye contact without correction.
Provide a safe space to decompress after school with no demands.
Avoid pushing for constant social interaction, allow downtime and solitude.
Talk positively about differences to build self-acceptance.
Check in gently after school e.g. “Did anything feel tiring today?”
Reassure your child they don’t have to “pretend” or perform at home.

At school:

Allow alternatives to eye contact and typical social expectations.
Provide quiet spaces or breaks to reduce overwhelm.
Avoid putting the child on the spot in front of others.
Use flexible approaches to participation, e.g. written instead of verbal responses.
Foster a classroom culture that accepts differences and reduces pressure to ‘fit in’.
Notice signs of masking and respond with support.

Communication and the nervous system

Communication is closely linked to a child’s sense of safety and regulation.

A woman with a child sitting on a sofa with a female doctor. The child is high fiving the doctor.

When a child feels calm and secure, their brain is better able to access language and social interaction. However, when they feel anxious, overwhelmed or overloaded, communication can become much more difficult.

This is because the brain prioritises survival responses when stress levels are high.

Signs that stress may be affecting communication include:

Difficulty finding words
Silence or withdrawal
Increased echolalia
Frustration or emotional outbursts
Avoiding interaction

Supporting regulation through calm environments, predictable routines and sensory support can help children feel safe enough to communicate.

Helpful approaches include:

Creating calm, low-demand environments or providing a child with a safe space for when needed
Using predictable routines
Providing appropriate sensory support
Reducing language demands (use short, simple phrases)
Allowing extra time for processing
Accepting all forms of communication (spoken and non-verbal)