The Brain Charity

Rejection sensitive dysphoria

Many people with ADHD experience rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD).

RSD refers to intense emotional pain triggered by perceived rejection, criticism or failure.

Children experiencing RSD may:

• react strongly to small criticisms or advice
• feel deep shame after mistakes
• avoid tasks where they might fail
• become angry or withdrawn
• develop perfectionistic tendencies

These reactions are often linked to low self-esteem and repeated experiences of misunderstanding or criticism.

Creating a supportive environment

At home:

• Use specific, genuine praise that focuses on effort rather than outcome (e.g. “You kept trying even when that was hard.”)
• Normalise mistakes by modelling them yourself (e.g. “I got that wrong. I’ll try again.”)
• Offer reassurance after perceived failure to reduce shame.
• Break tasks into smaller, manageable steps to reduce fear of failure.
• Create predictable routines so the child feels secure and less anxious about what’s coming.
• Check in regularly about feelings to help the child process emotional experiences.
• Avoid overloading with demands during emotionally sensitive moments.
• Emphasise strengths, interests, and successes to support self-esteem.

At school:

• Give feedback privately and frame it constructively to avoid embarrassment.
• Balance correction with frequent positive recognition of effort and progress.
• Provide clear instructions and scaffolding to reduce uncertainty and anxiety.
• Allow flexible ways to complete tasks to reduce pressure around ‘getting it wrong’.
• Prepare pupils in advance for changes, feedback, or challenging tasks.
• Use low-pressure check-ins (e.g. “How are you feeling about this?”) before difficulties escalate.
• Create a classroom culture where mistakes are seen as part of learning.
• Avoid putting children on the spot or requiring immediate responses in front of others.
• Offer opportunities for success in areas of strength to build confidence.

Polyvagal Theory and emotional safety

Neuroscientist Stephen Porges developed Polyvagal Theory, which explains how the nervous system constantly scans the environment for signs of safety or danger.

This process is known as neuro-ception.

For neurodivergent children, environments that are unpredictable, noisy or socially demanding may trigger defensive responses.

Creating environments that feel safe can support emotional regulation.

This includes:

• predictable routines
• calm communication
• supportive relationships
• sensory-friendly environments

Attachment and emotional development

Attachment theory, developed by John Bowlby, explains that children are biologically driven to seek safety and comfort from trusted caregivers.

When children experience consistent, responsive care, they develop secure attachment. This helps them feel safe exploring the world and regulating their emotions.

When care is inconsistent, stressful or unpredictable, children may develop insecure or disorganised attachment patterns. These can affect emotional regulation, trust and relationships.

Schools and other supportive environments can play an important role in providing stable, predictable relationships that help children feel safe.

Why neurodivergent children may experience higher stress

Research shows that neurodivergent children are more likely to experience:

• sensory overload
• social misunderstanding
• pressure to mask their differences
• anxiety and burnout
• difficulties with emotional regulation

Masking refers to the effort many neurodivergent people make to hide their natural behaviours in order to fit social expectations.

While masking may help children appear to cope, it often leads to exhaustion, anxiety and emotional overload.

How to support you child:

• Show acceptance of a child’s natural behaviours, e.g. stimming, needing space, without trying to stop or ‘correct’ them.
• Focus on your child feeling safe and understood, rather than trying to make them fit in.
• Use language that separates the child from the behaviour e.g. “That was tricky.”
• Give your child permission to take breaks and be themselves at home after demanding environments like school.
• Create predictable routines so your child feels secure and doesn’t need to stay on high alert. Use visuals to support them with these routines.
• Regularly check in with your child in a calm moment, e.g. “Did anything feel hard today?”